youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
