we have officially lost it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
