I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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