I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
