So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
