That's intense
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Houston, we have a squirter
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
