Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
