even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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