Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
