is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
