If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
