Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
