If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
