So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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