True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
