you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
