i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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