Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
