the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dicks are not precious.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
