I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hippo gnu deer
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
