Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
