So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
