My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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