OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
