your thong is hanging out like whoa
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
