The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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