do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
porn star boner night. come get it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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