At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
