Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
