I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
