No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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