we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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