does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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