Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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