He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
