Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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