it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
