I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
