Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
