I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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