Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
