OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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