I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
