were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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