another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
