Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
