I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And then my night got REAL pukey
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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