Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
