I'm going to jail i love you
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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