got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
