I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
