I love having hate sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
