Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
