I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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