I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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