Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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